I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
