im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
