People with herpes should wear stickers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
