I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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