im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
