You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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