i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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