I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think I am morally bankrupt
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
