i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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