It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
