I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
