And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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