are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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