i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
