why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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