for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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