I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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