What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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