I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
