I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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