You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
