Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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