Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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