I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
