Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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