you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
