Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
