I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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