the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
