from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
