Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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