How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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