well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
