Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
