She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
