just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
