it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
