I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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