legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
