We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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