I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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