Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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