xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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