i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I want a musical about memes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
