so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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