Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
