In the future we'll all be gay
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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