I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
