Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
