Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
