Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
