6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
