I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
